When to Trust Your Gut: Red Flags to Watch For

Is it a red flag or just 'the ick'? These red flags have been shared by survivors to help others recognize early warning signs of manipulative, coercive, and dangerous behavior.

 

🚨 Red Flags in Relationships

 

✔ Extreme Jealousy & Possessiveness – Constantly needing to know where you are, who you're with, or accusing you of cheating with no basis.

✔ Love Bombing – Over-the-top affection, expensive gifts, and rushing into commitment early on, only to use them against you later on.

✔ Isolation from Friends & Family – Discouraging or forbidding you from seeing loved ones or making you feel guilty for maintaining outside relationships.

✔ Sudden Explosive Anger – Going from calm to raging over small things, making you feel like you're "walking on eggshells."

✔ Blaming You for Their Behavior – Saying things like, "You made me do this" or "If you hadn’t [done something], I wouldn’t have reacted this way."

✔ Physical Intimidation or Violence – Blocking doorways, grabbing your wrist, punching walls, "playfully" shoving, or escalating to physical harm.

✔ Threatening to Harm Themselves or Others – Using emotional blackmail to keep you from leaving.

✔ Coercion & Pressuring for Sex – Guilt-tripping, shaming, or saying, “If you loved me, you would...”

✔ Ignoring Boundaries – Pushing physical or emotional limits after you've said no.

✔ Financial Control – Limiting your access to money, making you financially dependent, or sabotaging your ability to work.

 

🚨 Red Flags of Sexual Assault (SA) & Coercion

 

✔ Pushing Past “No” – Not respecting when you say you’re not comfortable, trying to convince you to do things after you've declined.

✔ Pressuring You to Drink or Use Substances – Pushing alcohol or drugs on you, especially if you're hesitant.

✔ Ignoring Consent in Subtle Ways – Proceeding with physical contact even when you freeze, hesitate, or seem unsure.

✔ Bragging About Past Sexual Conquests – Especially if it includes "wearing people down" or ignoring their initial hesitations.

✔ Testing Boundaries Early On – Touching you in small, uncomfortable ways and seeing how you react.

✔ Guilt-Tripping or Manipulation for Sex – Saying things like, "Come on, don't make this weird," "Just relax," or "I thought you wanted this."

✔ Waiting Until You’re Vulnerable – Initiating sex when you're sleeping, intoxicated, or otherwise unable to give clear consent.

✔ Gaslighting After Assault – Saying things like, "You wanted it too," "You’re overreacting," or "That’s not what happened."

✔ Recording or Sharing Without Consent – Taking explicit photos or videos without permission or threatening to share them.

 

🚨 Red Flags of Stalking (ST) & Digital Harassment

 

✔ Showing Up Unexpectedly – Repeatedly appearing at your work, home, gym, or other places without being invited.

✔ Constant, Unwanted Messages or Calls – Sending excessive texts, voicemails, or DMs, even when you don’t respond.

✔ Tracking Your Location – Using social media check-ins, location-sharing apps, or even AirTags to track your movements.

✔ Monitoring Your Social Media & Online Activity – Commenting on old posts, watching every story, or making fake accounts to keep tabs on you.

✔ Threatening or Harassing People Close to You – Messaging friends, family, or new romantic partners to intimidate or manipulate them.

✔ Sending Unwanted Gifts – Leaving notes, flowers, or gifts after you’ve asked for no contact.

✔ Spreading Rumors or Lies About You – Trying to control your reputation through defamation or smear campaigns.

✔ Breaking into Your Accounts – Hacking into social media, emails, or financial accounts to spy or control you.

 

 

🚨 Red Flags of Drink Spiking & Drug-Facilitated Sexual Assault (DFSA)

 

✔ Pressuring You to Drink More Than You Want – Insisting on refilling your drink or buying shots even when you decline.

✔ Making You a Drink Without Asking – Bringing a drink without you seeing it poured.

✔ Not Drinking Themselves – Someone who encourages you to drink but barely touches theirs.

✔ Trying to Separate You From Your Friends – Saying things like, “Let’s go somewhere quieter” or leading you away from the group.

✔ Acting Overly Concerned About Your Level of Intoxication – Insisting on "taking care of you" even when others are available.

✔ A Sudden, Intense Loss of Coordination or Awareness – Feeling significantly more intoxicated than expected for what you drank.

✔ Memory Blackouts or Confusion – Waking up with gaps in memory or uncertainty about what happened.

✔ Someone Dismissing Your Concerns – If you say, "Something feels off," and they say, "You're just drunk" or "You're overreacting."